* WhAtS yOuR fEtIsH *

I had no Christmas this year...

My mom is in Arizona.

And their is no fucking way 

I am going to be stuck

In a car for ten hours with the 

Asshole, The " Homemaker" and the prick

Sorry mom.

Christmas was not worth that much agony...

Its supposed to be the time of cheer.

Plus who wants to be with family on Christmas
To watch low life's sit and use my mother for presents.

Hey Assholes
She's worth more than her credit card...

So My real family...
(Mom and Alex aside)

Rearranged my room,

Hung out,

Drank eggnog by the fire....

Ha ha just kidding about the fire and nog part..

And we went to FETISH BALL

At Area 51.

So the whole gang got together 

and

had a Birthday/ Christmas together

I was so happy
  I got to bust out the tutu again ha ha 

Of coarse once everyone was ready .... 

WE had to make or Christmas cards for the year ..

A little late i know but here the are

Ha ha
I love them
So when we went to area...

Everyone kept buying me drinks....

I learned alot to...

Like I like my shots dressed,

I prefer sex on the beach as a 

Shooter then a drink

Ha ha I was way wasted..

Hick was their as well

Oh my let me tell you how cute Hick is....

I have a love for this man...

HE is amazing

He is incredible

I would marry him in a hearbeat...

 Laugh all you want but i am

OBSESSED

With forrest gump.

Well this hick guy can quote forrest gump

more than i can...

And sounds like him naturally... ha ha

Oh my it was hot....

So...I drank

I Danced

&

I peed

& Flushed

 

& Peed some more

 

Once the seal was broken 

It was 

broken.

It was so much fun...

A much needed Christmas.

Sorry mom that Chris and I couldn't see you

But like i said before we will have our own soon.

* DaDdY's LiTtLe GirL *

Stand up straight

Lose more weight

Don't tag me on your facebook page.

Do not speak

Kiss my feet

Don't tell lies

Close your eyes

Get out of bed.

Close your legs

What is wrong with your fucked up head.

Dont do drugs

Wheres my hug

Don't test me or ill pull the plug

Be a lady 

Don't Drive me Crazy

What happened to my little baby,

Your constant bitchen

Clean the Kitchen
Why don't you listen?

Not on time

Did no crime

 No I won't give YOU a dime

Your not a dad

 And thats just sad

 Oh how you make me mad

Your a prick

Suck a Dick

Dont play those stupid tricks

Where were you

The time just flew

now Look at me and you... were through

Im Not Sitting

In not waiting

Im running now

Away from you.

You didnt care

My daddy bear

See my heart....

Now watch it tear

You didnt try

You didnt cry

Now all i ask is why

You Just talk, never listen,

How dare you call yourself a Christian.

Open up!

Who is the real You?

Do you even know?

You have a wife

She gave you a perfect life

now all you do is cause her stife

All you do is use and abuse

but if you had to choose

Who means more to you?

Your wife ,Your mother

Your Family, Your money, My brother

Can their be no other

You will lose one way or another.

Just a game

For all your "fame"

Do you know you look lame

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Do you really know what that means

Open your eyes and see
That your world doesn't include me

* BiRthDaY bLuEs *

21.

Full of guilt trips and woes

But...

Did i let that bring me down

Hell no!!!!

I am telling you people...

NOBODY IS GOING TO BRING ME DOWN

Not even you BITCH.

Guilt trips and people who got all butt hurt cause i didnt want to come cuddle aside

I had a blast!!!

After work Chris Kyle and I went shopping.

Kyle is so amazing!

He got me 2 Juicy Couture necklaces.... thats right

2 !
This One

And This One




The Star in my life and the key to his heart 

How corny lol
I love it

I also got a Juicy couture necklace from my brother chris, 

and a victoria secret gift card from daddy,

 I got my birthday outfit.

For dinner we went to 

Cause god fucking damnit
i wanted my Blondie!!!!

  I had my first legal drink.... Of coarse it had patron here

And Just hung out at applebees with my peeps

    After my delicious blondie,we went to the canyon inn

It was fun got way trashed and danced the night away....

I had my first margarita. 

A.M.F.

Some candy tasting thing, 

Alot of stuff lol 

And i did not sing to the porcelain gods

I had a good birthday...

Oh what happens when you stop giving a shit

* HaPpY bIrThDaY tO mE *

Right

Isn't that how its so supposed to be...

But what is so Happy about it

Ever since I can remember i haven't had a " Happy Birthday"

15. 

I was slapped

16.

I was beat

17. 

I had a gun to my head

18.

I had to beg my boyfriend at the time to even come, 

he showed up drunk, 

My best friend at the time

Left to go with her boyfriend.

19.

All I wanted was my alcholic boyfriend 

( Yes the same one from the year ahead)

To be sober for my birthday... 

And he was.

Technically

He drank his eyes out till 11:59 pm  

11/20/09

Stayed up till10 a.m

Passed out 

Didn't wake up till 11 p.m

And was sober the one hour that was left of it.

He didn't even spend it with me.

20. 

I found out that the guy that I was dating at the time

It was his and his wifes anniversary 

(They were separated)

Nice way to feel special.

21.

Its not even 10 a.m.

I'm sitting at work

Fighting back my tears.

Calculating numbers in my head.

Stressing,

Not looking forward for the rest of the day.

Why cant one year be different,

Why for one year can I actually have a 

Happy Birthday

Its like I was destined for failure

Nothing I do is great.

Nothing I do is ever good enough.

Its the shortest day of the year.

The "end of the world " happens on my birthday

And my i.d even expires 12/21/2012

The lunar eclipse that happened yesterday,

No one could see cause of the storm clouds

I was serious

When I said thats what I wanted for my birthday 

I want to be alone.

No one to bother me

No one to tell me about their horrible relationship problems,

No one to use me.

Just being with the one person that has always been their for me

ME.

I don't want to go snowboarding,

I don't want to go to Park City,

To eat,

To party,

To the movies.

ALL I FUCKING WANT IS TO BE ALONE

Okay 

So DON'T wish me a happy birthday

Cause their is Nothing happy about it.

Just pretend its just another day of the year.

But the only thing that's different is

Im in not in it.