* WhAtS yOuR fEtIsH *

I had no Christmas this year...

My mom is in Arizona.

And their is no fucking way 

I am going to be stuck

In a car for ten hours with the 

Asshole, The " Homemaker" and the prick

Sorry mom.

Christmas was not worth that much agony...

Its supposed to be the time of cheer.

Plus who wants to be with family on Christmas
To watch low life's sit and use my mother for presents.

Hey Assholes
She's worth more than her credit card...

So My real family...
(Mom and Alex aside)

Rearranged my room,

Hung out,

Drank eggnog by the fire....

Ha ha just kidding about the fire and nog part..

And we went to FETISH BALL

At Area 51.

So the whole gang got together 

and

had a Birthday/ Christmas together

I was so happy
  I got to bust out the tutu again ha ha 

Of coarse once everyone was ready .... 

WE had to make or Christmas cards for the year ..

A little late i know but here the are

Ha ha
I love them
So when we went to area...

Everyone kept buying me drinks....

I learned alot to...

Like I like my shots dressed,

I prefer sex on the beach as a 

Shooter then a drink

Ha ha I was way wasted..

Hick was their as well

Oh my let me tell you how cute Hick is....

I have a love for this man...

HE is amazing

He is incredible

I would marry him in a hearbeat...

 Laugh all you want but i am

OBSESSED

With forrest gump.

Well this hick guy can quote forrest gump

more than i can...

And sounds like him naturally... ha ha

Oh my it was hot....

So...I drank

I Danced

&

I peed

& Flushed

 

& Peed some more

 

Once the seal was broken 

It was 

broken.

It was so much fun...

A much needed Christmas.

Sorry mom that Chris and I couldn't see you

But like i said before we will have our own soon.

* DaDdY's LiTtLe GirL *

Stand up straight

Lose more weight

Don't tag me on your facebook page.

Do not speak

Kiss my feet

Don't tell lies

Close your eyes

Get out of bed.

Close your legs

What is wrong with your fucked up head.

Dont do drugs

Wheres my hug

Don't test me or ill pull the plug

Be a lady 

Don't Drive me Crazy

What happened to my little baby,

Your constant bitchen

Clean the Kitchen
Why don't you listen?

Not on time

Did no crime

 No I won't give YOU a dime

Your not a dad

 And thats just sad

 Oh how you make me mad

Your a prick

Suck a Dick

Dont play those stupid tricks

Where were you

The time just flew

now Look at me and you... were through

Im Not Sitting

In not waiting

Im running now

Away from you.

You didnt care

My daddy bear

See my heart....

Now watch it tear

You didnt try

You didnt cry

Now all i ask is why

You Just talk, never listen,

How dare you call yourself a Christian.

Open up!

Who is the real You?

Do you even know?

You have a wife

She gave you a perfect life

now all you do is cause her stife

All you do is use and abuse

but if you had to choose

Who means more to you?

Your wife ,Your mother

Your Family, Your money, My brother

Can their be no other

You will lose one way or another.

Just a game

For all your "fame"

Do you know you look lame

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Do you really know what that means

Open your eyes and see
That your world doesn't include me

.: I Am Me :.

I am sitting here,

all alone.

Shattered soul,

Shattered heart.

I'm thinking to myself

What Happened?

Where did I go wrong?

Weren't you supposed to love me?

Weren't you supposed to care?

What made you hate me?

What made you disown me?

Was I ever good enough?

Did you ever care?

I know I wasn't easy,

I didn't make you proud

And for that I'm sorry.

Sorry for being me.

Sorry for swearing.

Sorry for leaving.

Sorry you validated my feelings.

But why can't you understand,

I never felt wanted,

Never felt special.

Constantly felt like the odd ball out,

The disappointment ,

The fuck up.

Always fat never skinny.

Always ugly never pretty.

Always sharp but never perfect.

So I always tried to be just that...

Perfect.

Perfect Outfit,

Perfect Smile,

Perfect Tone.

But I always pretended.

So everyone could see my perfect family.

Perfect mother,

Perfect father,

Perfect brothers.

Rose, Martin, Chris, Victor, Alex, and then me.

All of us had two faces,

All of us were putting on a show.

Mom, strong but walked all over.

Dad, envied but scandalous.

Chris, Outgoing but underestimated.

Victor, smart but deceitful.

Alex, fun but hurt.

Then silly old me:

Skinny but fat.

Pretty but ugly.

Voice of an angel but either sharp or flat.

Hard working but lazy.

Strong but abused.

A leader but blind.

The list could go on,

About how i used to be.

But out of that list,

I was never perfect.

Never good enough.

But always sad,

Always bruised,

Always feeling sorry for myself.

Verdad Familia?

Isn't that what you always said?

It was in my head,

I just felt bad for poor little Adrianna.

So I hid my pain.

I cut myself,

Drugged myself,

Did everything I could to take the pain away.

For a day,

An hour,

A second.

You saw the signs,

Cause I didn't hide them.

I didn't want to pretend anymore.

I wanted to be free.

Free from the world,

From society,

From my family,

From my life.

So I slipped away,

And I stopped caring.

I was okay with not being perfect.

I'm not saying I was happy.

I'm not saying I was sad.

I deserved everything I got.

I was taught lessons from my mistakes.

I grew up young.

I stopped believing,

In people

And in myself.

I found myself looking,

For someone to love me for me.

Did i find them?

No.

But I still stuck around.

I thought being slapped around

Must have meant something.

Right?

Even though these guys hurt me,

Physically and Mentally,

At least they cared.

Cared to tell me the truth.

How ugly I was.

How fat I was getting.

How nobody loved me but them.

To tell me they weren't abusing me,

They were just putting me in my place.

But I don't regret any of it.

Not the drugs,

Not the boys,

Nothing at all.

Cause I started to grow.

Finally made goals.

Finally had dreams.

Finally becoming Adrianna.

So I will make a stand.

Stand up for what I believe in.

You will not disrespect me,

Walk all over me,

Use me.

To get respect you must earn it.

I don't care if your my friend,

My pastor,

My family,

God even.

I'm done with trying to live up to your expectations.

This is my life not yours.

You can be apart of it or out of it.

Cause at the end of the day...

Your the one ashamed,

Your the disappointment,

Your the cow,

Your the beast.

Blood may be thicker than water,

But blood becomes worthless after being out for so long.

Do you really want to know what I've become,

Or who I am?

I am me.

And the best thing about it,

I am not perfect!