* WeDdInG bElLs ArE rInGiNg *

FINALLY A DAY OFF!!!!

Had to be a Sunday,

But thats Okay.

Today is Suzie's and Lalo's Wedding

I slept in till ten o clock!!!

What a record ....

SO who else was awake this morning 

Of coarse....

Peas

So we sat, talked and had beaner hot chocolate...

Yes you read right

BEANER HOT CHOCOLATE!!

Then of coarse,

My children had to be with me,

By my side.

Dont they look so adorable...

Then it was time to get ready for the wedding..

The dress that i wanted to wear turned into a tent...

Then one that actually could fit,

Looked to tacky.

So just to make sure i didnt have to resort in pants that are size 11 

I thought i would see if my size 5 pants could make it up 

&

Over my ass.

And to my realization....

They did
I was able to button a button.

I could have probably squeeze the second button on 

But that would require to many

Jumping

& 

Pulling 

& 

Sucking In.

Plus no muffin top for me please.

So we go to the academy.

And as soon as i walk in all you hear is....

OH MY GOD ITS ADRIANNA.

Like if i was a ghost

Or the devil.

Then you start hearing the whispers.

So Erin and I,

Went to the Bridals lounge and saw Suzy,

She looked so beatutiful...

It was de ja vu though.

It was like looking in the mirror.

Quincenera all over again!!!

Except without a veil and a husbamd.

Her dress was so pretty... and she did not look prego

At all...

Lucky

So after a little pep talk about the

Old Ball and Chain.

Made sure we had a proper escape route 

And any secret go code

In case she wasnt ready and wanted to run

Just Kidding Lalo.

So Erin and I find a place to Sit.

Way

Way

Way 

In the back.

 And wait for the ceremony to happen

Which was beautiful by the way.

( Even though it was in Spanish.)

Had some delicious food.

Left just in time for no one to stop and chat.

 

Came back home and spent my night with Kyle and Jenny!

Met Jenny's Hawaii guy,

Was craving tacos...

So Kyle took me to Taco Bell 

Chalupas and Mexican Pizza

NO other better way to break my diet...

But Who the Fuck Cares...

Im almost a size 5

Bitches!

* HaPpY hOlIdaAyS *

F.M.L

Is all I have to FUCKING say

I HATE THE FUCKING HOLIDAYS....

Can someone please tell me what is so great about them ....

People change who they really are,

Obligate you for presents,

Actually start doing "charity" work,

Celebrate the birth of  "Jesus",

Christmas music,

                         My Birthday,

                                             Parents constantly bribing and lying to their children,

Give people the excuse to sit on their ass and gain twenty pounds,

AND don't even get me started on santa, oh Im sorry Mr. Fucking Claus. 

LET ME GIVE YOU A FUCKING REALITY CHECK.....

Don't smile at me and act like we are best friends just because its December,
Your still nothing to me.
Totally Invisible

Don't buy me a gift expecting one back or to hold it against me in the future , 

Do it just because, 

No Obligations

Homeless people are still homeless no matter what time of year it is... 

One month out of the year shouldn't be the only time they should eat well.

Their is no proof out their that your 

" Emmanual " 

Was born on Christmas Day.

(And honestly how can someone 

Get knocked up

 without 

getting something inserted in their va jay jay )

P.S. If you have a decent "excuse" please feel free to express your opinion 

Christmas music is great and beautiful the WEEK of Christmas

Not Halloween to New Years Eve.

How many Versions of Jingle bells can people come up with.

If i wrote a parody called JINGLE BALLS can i come out with a christmas album. 

To make five dollars and prove to people that i have a voice.

I am grateful and happy that my mom squeezed me out on this " BEAUTIFUL " month.

But don't come around on the one day that it SHOULD be all about me,

To put me down, 

To make you feel Better about your pathetic life.

You try to teach your children about honesty, 

Always be truthful, 

But sit their and say 

"You better behave or Santa will give a piece of coal for Christmas, "

But you expect your children to NOT believe in fantasies..

Don't Build up people's hope just to rain on their parade.

Oh and not to mention the obligation thing again.

PRAISE YOUR KID
 FOR WAKING UP IN THE MORNING.
Because some parents aren't so grateful.

I understand that you get lazy, 

Its cold outside, 

Turkey Dinner is Fucking amazing, 

HOLIDAY COOKIES, 

But the only Exercise you shouldn't be getting that month
 Is CHRISTMAS SHOPPING....

INSTEAD OF HOVERING THE POTLUCK TABLE
 AT YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY 

BE ON THE DANCE FLOOR 

SHAKING YOUR ASS OFF

LOSING CALORIES INSTEAD OF GAINING.

Then you use New years as a 

Pathetic 

&

Under achievable goal 

(That you make every year)

That your going to lose twenty pounds...

Why not strive for something that you can achieve.

Like stop talking shit behind people's back and try it to their faces....

They may say your a bitch but at least your honest.

Why is it okay for a Strange White Fat Man

To dress up in a red suit

And let YOUR children sit on their lap.

But help me god, 

If a stranger says Hi to your kid or even looks at them,

You accuse them of being a pedophile.

GET YOURSELF OUT OF THIS RIDICULOUS SOCIAL STANDARD 

AND 

LOOK OUTSIDE THE BOX...

WHAT REAL MAN WANTS TO DEAL WITH KIDS ALL DAY

FOR A SEASONAL MINIMUM WAGE JOB.

 WAKE UP PEOPLE

THE WORLD ISN'T AS PLEASURABLE AS IT SEEMS.

Anyways let me tell you about my amazing day....

I woke up 5 min before I had to leave for work.

So No makeup,

No coffee,

No breakfast,

No pants that fit,

One sock,

Hello Mother Nature,

Hello empty gas tank,

But...

No Red Lights,

Only 2 minutes late,

Money in sales,

Day went by fast,

Have Sunday off,

Lost Three pounds,

Spent the night dancing.

Work was amazing, 

Kicked ass in sales,

 &

Got my hours back 

Cause Mandy was tired of having to call me in to work

 When I would have been working already.

Came home had left over what a mocolic.

Watched an  amazing movie,

Drank coffee,

Got all ready and pretty,

Went clubbing at Area 51

With Jenny for some dudes birthday...

Just what i needed....

A DAY WITH MY PEAS...

Kyle would have came
 But he was so sick from subway....

FEEL BETTER CORNY BEANS. 

* FrIdAy NiGhT, QuIeT nIgHt *

Today was so awesome!!!

Work was way slow but Kyle of coarse made it all better.

He came to the mall and hung out till I was off.

He is so sweet!!

He bought me this c.d. 

I've only listened to a few songs.... But so far i like it.

After we met back at my house so I could get ready for a fun night out!!!

And A

Game.

Unfortunately,  He forgot about his friends concert and cause I'm not 21  I couldn't go.

But thats okay.... I have to get up at six'o clock in the morning for work.

So I can't stay out all night.

Kyle still stuck around and hung out 

All Dressed up for our date...

He looked SO cute!!

I am so happy that he is back from the oil fields.

Don't know for how long

But

I know I will see him as much as I can.

Kyle, Erin, and I 

Hung out in my room but that got boring.

So.... 

We decieded...

Well I decided we should do something proactive with our night

So we did what we did best...

Oh Man Did We Kick Ass!!!

or the other way around...

 it kicked our ass.

Workout mode Rocks !!

She did 5 miles... I wasn't to far behind 

4 point something

Very Quiet night

But It is what I needed.

Time for Bed

Goodnight Bloggers!!!

P.S. All the fun they are having without me....

Damn Age restriction

 Just Wait till next week Bitches... 

.: I Am Me :.

I am sitting here,

all alone.

Shattered soul,

Shattered heart.

I'm thinking to myself

What Happened?

Where did I go wrong?

Weren't you supposed to love me?

Weren't you supposed to care?

What made you hate me?

What made you disown me?

Was I ever good enough?

Did you ever care?

I know I wasn't easy,

I didn't make you proud

And for that I'm sorry.

Sorry for being me.

Sorry for swearing.

Sorry for leaving.

Sorry you validated my feelings.

But why can't you understand,

I never felt wanted,

Never felt special.

Constantly felt like the odd ball out,

The disappointment ,

The fuck up.

Always fat never skinny.

Always ugly never pretty.

Always sharp but never perfect.

So I always tried to be just that...

Perfect.

Perfect Outfit,

Perfect Smile,

Perfect Tone.

But I always pretended.

So everyone could see my perfect family.

Perfect mother,

Perfect father,

Perfect brothers.

Rose, Martin, Chris, Victor, Alex, and then me.

All of us had two faces,

All of us were putting on a show.

Mom, strong but walked all over.

Dad, envied but scandalous.

Chris, Outgoing but underestimated.

Victor, smart but deceitful.

Alex, fun but hurt.

Then silly old me:

Skinny but fat.

Pretty but ugly.

Voice of an angel but either sharp or flat.

Hard working but lazy.

Strong but abused.

A leader but blind.

The list could go on,

About how i used to be.

But out of that list,

I was never perfect.

Never good enough.

But always sad,

Always bruised,

Always feeling sorry for myself.

Verdad Familia?

Isn't that what you always said?

It was in my head,

I just felt bad for poor little Adrianna.

So I hid my pain.

I cut myself,

Drugged myself,

Did everything I could to take the pain away.

For a day,

An hour,

A second.

You saw the signs,

Cause I didn't hide them.

I didn't want to pretend anymore.

I wanted to be free.

Free from the world,

From society,

From my family,

From my life.

So I slipped away,

And I stopped caring.

I was okay with not being perfect.

I'm not saying I was happy.

I'm not saying I was sad.

I deserved everything I got.

I was taught lessons from my mistakes.

I grew up young.

I stopped believing,

In people

And in myself.

I found myself looking,

For someone to love me for me.

Did i find them?

No.

But I still stuck around.

I thought being slapped around

Must have meant something.

Right?

Even though these guys hurt me,

Physically and Mentally,

At least they cared.

Cared to tell me the truth.

How ugly I was.

How fat I was getting.

How nobody loved me but them.

To tell me they weren't abusing me,

They were just putting me in my place.

But I don't regret any of it.

Not the drugs,

Not the boys,

Nothing at all.

Cause I started to grow.

Finally made goals.

Finally had dreams.

Finally becoming Adrianna.

So I will make a stand.

Stand up for what I believe in.

You will not disrespect me,

Walk all over me,

Use me.

To get respect you must earn it.

I don't care if your my friend,

My pastor,

My family,

God even.

I'm done with trying to live up to your expectations.

This is my life not yours.

You can be apart of it or out of it.

Cause at the end of the day...

Your the one ashamed,

Your the disappointment,

Your the cow,

Your the beast.

Blood may be thicker than water,

But blood becomes worthless after being out for so long.

Do you really want to know what I've become,

Or who I am?

I am me.

And the best thing about it,

I am not perfect!